Everything wrong with"You're not like other girls"

By Rumaisa Ali

“You’re not like other girls” Sounds familiar? You have probably heard these five words countless times in romantic comedies wherein the male love interest professes his awe for the main character by saying this very phrase. Maybe you have even had a guy say it to your face. It’s quite evident that they would like us to assume that this comment is flattering. Seemingly, being told that we are unique, exceptional, and inherently better than others appears to be nice, if not pleasing.

Perhaps it even is a ‘congratulations’ on defying societal norms. However, the truth is that ‘you’re not like other girls’ isn’t a compliment. It is a misogynistic remark sugar-coated as a beautiful lie. When you are complimented on your cleverness, lack of interest in traditionally feminine activities (shopping, fashion, beauty), emotional/financial independence, chastity, or anything else that makes you ‘different from other ladies’, it is insinuated that your gender, by default, is inferior and flawed. This is because it reinforces the idea that the less feminine a quality is, the more strong and hence desirable it is. The phrase further roots and promotes sexism by honoring and promoting masculine features to such an extent.

By putting this supposed ‘praise’ underneath the magnifying glass, you see that it actually pits you against other girls. If “you’re not like other girls” is a compliment then what does that imply about “other girls”? Isn’t it just suggesting that they are inferior or ordinary? Given that women have been marginalized and undermined for generations, claiming that someone is appealing because they don't act like ‘typical women’ isn't a progressive claim. It's a ruse designed to lull us into a false sense of security and affirmation, only to pit us against one another, draining our energy and well-being. It is aimed to keep women feeling anxious and insecure under a patriarchal system, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

You see, every woman is brilliant, powerful, and gorgeous in her own right. There is no such thing as the "ideal" woman. Every individual who identifies as a woman comes from a different upbringing, a different culture, and each woman has something great and wonderful to offer to society. And by comparing and competing with other women, we brandish the swords of self-loathing and bring each other down just to feel better about ourselves. However, we must realize that in reality, it isn't a competition between us and other girls. The only competition we should be engaged in is between who we once were and who we can become in the future.

Standing out doesn’t have to mean dragging other women down. The world would be a lot brighter if we could focus on lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down because of our differences. The first step is to eliminate comparing vocabulary and analyze our internalized misogynistic beliefs.

The next time you hear a guy say “you’re not like other girls”, run because that is not a compliment.